Gay Marriage Killed the Dinosaurs
I just joined a “group” on Facebook:
Group InfoName:
Gay Marriage Killed the Dinosaurs
Type: Common Interest – Self-help
Description: More like “Common Interest – Self-preservation”.
This group is for people who understand the grave risks of gay marriage. Some suggest gay marriage will merely undermine one of our most fundamental societal institutions, causing countless straight couples to get divorced because exclusion of gays was the only thing holding their marriage together.
But we know better. Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. If we let liberal activist judges in Massachusetts and California set the course, the blood will run in rivers. Mixed with molten lava.
The group includes this helpful primer for the ironically challenged:
Top 16 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
16. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
15. There are plenty of straight families looking to adopt, and every unwanted child already has a loving family. This is why foster care does not exist.
14. Conservatives know best how to create strong families. That is why it is not true that Texas and Mississippi have the highest teen birthrates, and Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire have the lowest. This is a myth spread by the liberal media.
13. Marriage is a religious institution, defined by churches. This is why atheists do not marry.
12. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why our society has no single parents.
11. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
10. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
9. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
8. Gay marriage should be decided by the people and their elected representatives, not the courts. The framers checked the courts, which represent mainstream public opinion, with legislatures created to protect the rights of minorities from the tyranny of the majority. Interference by courts in this matter is inappropriate, just as it has been every time the courts have tried to hold back legislatures pushing for civil rights.
7. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because “separate but equal” institutions are a good way to satisfy the demands of uppity minority groups.
5. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
4. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
3. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
2. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
1. METEORS and VOLCANOES.
SKBK
Excellent. I couldn’t possibly have said it better, cuz.
Apr 22nd, 2007 5:18 am
alex hogan
Well, it seems to me you hit on the problem when you said straight people will divorce in droves and marry one of their own sex if gay marriage is allowed, because the only reason they married the opposite sex is cos that had to, there was no choice.
It seems that to create a straight male is a very delicate act and takes years of socializing: wearing the right clothes, the right colors, saying the right words, sitting in a certain way, liking the right toys, games, stories etc…whereas to become gay takes very little; simply give a teenage boy, who has been socialized into being straight all his life, – simply give him something like a pink t-shirt and he’ll turn gay – just like that! takes nothing.
So – ergo – the logic from that is that if gay marriage is allowed the vast majority of boys will turn gay and, you know, where will be the straight ones to continue the species?
BTW – Loved your article.
Alex
Nov 17th, 2007 11:29 pm
won't say
This is fucking wrong we live in a new era. We need to exept those that are different even those of gay and bi. This is all wrong you ppl are ignorant and stupid ppl like you are croupting our world your confusing the younger generation you all will go to hell b/c that you don’t accept there type of ppl
Jul 14th, 2009 12:10 am
Macauley
@ won’t say:
Yeah, I remember when I had *my* first beer…
Clueless, meet irony, and welcome to my blog.
Jul 14th, 2009 1:41 am
Tina Cook
I loooove #9 The world needs more children.
Unfortunately , A very good friend of mine that is a wealthy white male actually does believe this. He argues that because America has abortion that is why we have so many immigrants working here. If we did not abort our babies they would be harvesting crops and cleaning houses and more Americans would be working. TAH- DAAAH!!! There’s something really OFF with that Republican mind set.
Dec 21st, 2009 7:00 am
Leigh
Madness. This is utterly pathological. Its a well known fact that those who consciously condemn such things subconsciously suppress and fear them within themselves. Come to terms with your secret same-sex gender-preferences, and stop reflecting your repressions onto the world.
May 11th, 2010 7:51 am
Nice
Had me laughing for hours!
Jun 2nd, 2010 3:44 pm